Tuesday, 30 August 2016

my roots in gratitudes

my roots grow deeply
in these sunrises
over waters
impregnated with the filth of nations
of this world
and I grow taller
in these sunsets
these sunrises
these dusks
these dawns
orchestras caress these wandering feet
in the fading hues across skylines
marbled peach
blended against soft, wooly blues
encircling
yet constantly eluding
my touch
my finger tips too shallow
yet my heart beats persistently enough
this time
the kumquat and tear-stained cerulean
seep inside
bleeding my innards
like turkish marble
scrambling the knots
into soft, unravelled yarns
flocci of the soul
cushioning each blow 


Today I am grateful for:

- that look on your face
- a day book-ended by sunrise and sunset over the water
- chocolate for dinner (even though I ate too much and feel slightly ehhh...)
- hot showers at the end of a long day
-  my shoulder healing so well 
- feeling stronger and stronger and stronger with each passing day
- the rising crescent moon over a sleeping city

My photograph, taken in NYC, 30 August 2016.

Monday, 29 August 2016

gratitudes

Some days the world feels so gruesome and tangled, and then lifting one foot after the other is a feat you can't possibly imagine. 
And yet.
Yet it happens.
One foot after the other.


Today I am grateful for:
- side parts and barrettes that make me look like the grandmother I never met
- soft street lights at sunset
- unexpected naps
- cold coffee in bed  

Saturday, 27 August 2016

gratitudes

Today I am grateful for:

- live theatre
- people who give hugs with such overwhelming sincerity
- dulce de leche waffles
- brunch with a friend who is as golden as ever
- halva
- baba ganoush with pickles
- plump medjool dates
- long walks home
- open streets in the city as the sun slowly sets
- when you speak to me after days of silence
- smiles meant only for me

Friday, 26 August 2016

grateful musings

Lately, a lot of my friends have been struggling. Lately, I have been struggling. 
Lately, the moon has been full and peering down on me during my 5am runs. 
Lately, I've discovered that I actually enjoy running 5 miles as the sun rises over a sleepy city, crawling with rats.

So I keep telling these souls that they are golden, holding them close, and listening to each word.
I don't know if it's going to be okay.
I don't know that it'll work out eventually.

But I do know that we are so incredibly privileged to be able to spend our energy on worries about love and dreams and uncertainties and sadnesses too deep to describe.
This is not to belittle anything anyone is ever feeling. If you are feeling it - it is valid. But let's not forget what we do have, what we are fortunate enough to take for granted - whether that be enough food never to go hungry, a place to live, a job, money for rent, your physical health, your mental health, a loving family, a supportive community, a comfy bed, conditioner that unknots your wild mane of hair, the ability to read, energy for dancing, or the other plethora of little things that make each day bearable. 

I'm not saying that having these things means life is perfect. I'm not saying that having money for rent means you'll never be depressed. I'm not saying having a supportive community means you'll never have mental health issues. 
Life is shit. I'm constantly amazed and yet continue to expect myself to find life pretty shitty on the regular. And I don't think that's going to change.
I don't think you'll ever wake up one day and only be happy and only see good.
So here's what I'll propose to you - zoom in on the good. Pick up the sparkles and let the thorns go. If you don't focus on the bright bits, the rest just gets to be too much. You can never get rid of all that's clogging up your life, but I think if you can manage to deliberately seek out the best bits, that other shit will be easier to handle.
That's kind of the idea behind my daily gratitudes. 
I'm no expert, and I haven't "cured" myself, but this is my little step in that direction.


Today I am grateful for:

- my physical therapist being a superstar
- the light before the sun rises in the mornings
- knowing I can be of service to friends and help them feel just a wee bit better
- friends who look at me with fully opened eyes and accept without flinching 

My photograph, taken in NYC, 26 August 2016.

Wednesday, 24 August 2016

gratitudes

Today I am grateful for:

- free fresh fruit from work
- smoothies
- going to sleep exhausted at the end of the day
- zzzzzzzz

Tuesday, 23 August 2016

gratitudes

Today I am grateful for:

- getting myself to write this
- making it through my physical therapy appointment without breaking down
- the glitter covering my eyes and shimmering in my peripheral vision
- my friend immediately offering help, no questions asked
- being okay with slow progress


Sunday, 21 August 2016

gratitudes

I have work shifts again! It's brilliant and life-affirming and also utterly exhausting and time-consuming. So, I will continue to aim at posting gratitudes every day, but life comes and goes and this practice must come from a place of self-care. Here's the plan - I shall begin and end each day with the intention of recording my daily gratitudes, however whether or not I actually post will depend upon my schedule or sleepiness and I will not allow my lapse in posting to become a source of negative energy.

For today, I am thankful for:
- being able to work with good people
- rain cooling down the city
- early bed times
- fighting this cold
- hot tea
- guacamole
- good hugs